dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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