I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize