so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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