I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize