One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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