3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm just crazy horny about you
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
