i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
