dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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