He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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