you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
