remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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