Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
When did angry sex become our thing?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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