apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
