do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
