Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
