dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
