The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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