i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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