grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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