the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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