Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
