Cold hands, warm shart.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
