I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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