last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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