what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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