I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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