Small penises have feelings too.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize