Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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