At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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