I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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