watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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