This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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