I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
