We need to rekindle our bromance
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
