If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
