Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
