Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I am one with the molecules
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize