I'm so fucking centered right now
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
