lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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