3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
