So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
