It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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