Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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