Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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