yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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