So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
