he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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