i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
