My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
