I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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