why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
