i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
