I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
That's how pantless uber rides happen
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
