i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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