i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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