a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
