Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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