You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
well you can't waste a boner
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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