i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
