So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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