the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
