I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
