Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
