We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
