I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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