You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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