She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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