were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
