I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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