you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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