I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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