The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
