i think i have two assholes
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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