You're my little dorito
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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