After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
